Skip to main content

Lobola: The fears of a single guy

Seeing that I'm already in my mid 20s, I'm more and more flirting with the idea that someday I will be married (and hopefully get divorced). Now that's a bit funny cause I used to tell myself that I could do without the hassles of marriage. I could actually, so I thought, do without the hassles of a "formal" relationship. But hey, being where I am now, I think differently, I now need companionship. Now that brings me to my biggest problem.

My biggest problem is not to find the right woman. No. The biggest problem is to find the right in-laws! There is in Southern Africa, something called Lobola, in shona its called roora, and dowry is the English term (I think). I still struggle understanding why I should pay a gazillion of dollars so that I can take home a wife. To me, that equates to buying a wife. I should then be able to say in one phrase, 'I bought this house last year, but that car I bought it soon after I bought a wife...'

I still think that lobola and human rights are not totally compartible. I also feel that if someone looks carefully, some abuse to women out there in those houses, is as a result of the fact that they came at a price. I'd think that women would be the ones fighting against this lobola thing more than men. But hell No! Even the most educated ones you find them
saying "you think ndinoenda mahara?", which is "you think I can just go for free?" Now that mind boggles me big time. But then maybe to look at it objectively, I need to calm down a bit.

Lobola is supposed to be a token of appreciation. The way I understand it, I, the man, would be saying to my in-laws, thank you for raising up such a wonderful woman. Now if that's what its supposed to be, I then expect it to be reasonable. Its part of a culture I'd not mind
preserving if everything is put into the context of today. I think if my wife came at a huge fee, it distorts the balance that should exist in today's marriage. I want to be 'equal' to my partner, and I will find it difficult if I had to pay through the nose for it.

I sometimes think that culturally from way back, girls have always been treated as household property. I mean, from the point they know how to balance a bucket of water on their heads, or a bunch of firewood sticks, they become an asset. They clean the house, cook the food,
grind what needs grinding and wash everything that needs washing. So looking at it that way, if you then decide to marry that woman, you need to keep note of two things:

  1. You are taking away the family asset.
  2. You are getting yourself the asset!

So you have to pay for both. And pay dearly. Then what if we now say, treating women as assets is wrong, doesn't it also make wrong traditions that are associated with it? And these days with so much divorce going on, you will think thrice before considering re-marrying,
for it does not matter how many times you've been married before, you still pay.

But hey that's me. Others feel different about it. Next time, when I get time to blog, I'll tell you exactly what goes on in a typical lobola session. But for now, should christians pay lobola?

i am manulite.

Comments

Wild Bill said…
I am surprised that Mugabe hasn't found a way to limit blog users yet. I applaud your bravery. How is the situation now in Zimbabwe? From what I've been reading (and I know you can't believe anything these days) things seem pretty rough. Nice blog. Later.
zimpundit said…
"I still think that lobola and human rights are not totally compartible."
-Your thinking here exposes an existential fallacy. While it is true that lobala and some aspects of our culture "commodify" women, the sancity of the whole idea of human rights comes from ideal which says we should respect all people for what they are including their cultures. The danger of thinking along these lines is that it implicity asserts western traditions as both being suprior to ours and as having exclusive patents to embody human rights.

Having said that, I must say I agree with the concern you articulate. Parents have become greedy and will scramble at every opportunity to syphon every last penny from their son-in-law.

"So should the Christian man pay lobola," you ask. My answer is a qualified yes. Qualified because the Christian should comply with dowry payment only inasmuch as it remains a token of appreciation to the family of the bride for raising and now giving up the mother to be of the next generation of the guy's family.

Hang in there you'll find good ones...in-laws that is!:)
Unknown said…
i think its prostitution to pay lobola

Popular posts from this blog

A New day in the life of a Zimbabwean

Yesterday I caught a cold and today I woke up with a cramp; it isn't very comfortable sleeping at a friend's couch with one blanket in this cold winter. Of course you might already be asking why I'm sleeping on a couch, well, the thing is, this is not my house and it is crowded as it is. So maybe again you ask why I'm not sleeping in my own house? Good Question! See my cottage was demolished by Operation Murambatsvina (Operation 'we don't want dirt')on Thursday last week, so I had to move in with a friend since I had nowhere else to go. At least I didn't have to do the urban-to-rural migration that most peeps who have been hit by the tsunami (which is what we now call the Operation Murambatsvina these days) . Not that its a major benefit that I'm still living in the 'bright lights'. Only the day before yesterday we had no electricity at night, I don't know whether this is one of those rationing cut-offs or someone at the power company fo

Street friend

I consider Simon as my friend. We sort of hang out together each time we bump into each other in town. He's much shorter than me, which of course is explained by the fact that he's much much younger than me. We both live in Zimbabwe so that gives us a lot in common. But Simon practically survives on the streets. Though he doesn't necessarily sleep on the street at night, his life is a life lived on the pavements of Harare's central business district. The last time I met him, which is now a while ago, he wanted some money to buy a school trousers. Simon and I go back together a number of years. He was not yet of school going age when we met. Now he's grade 3 or 4. So hows life for Simon like? Each time I think about it, I cannot even start to image how it must be for him. He once narrated (still with all the childhood innocence) to me how he got arrested during the days of the clean-up operation. He told me how he had to sneak out and run when he got a chance. That

Hundrend Thousand Dollar Bread

Several times when someone discovers I'm from Zimbabwe, I immediately get questions like, “So, how are you surviving?”, “So, how's Zimbabwe these days?”. How's Zimbabwe? If you are hopeful, your answer to that question, ranges between, “Not so good.” and “Don't ask.”. The price of bread is up again from about $60,000 to at least $88,000, which is not news anymore. I remember a time long ago when bread was 75c, our parents were already not too happy about that price. I remember the discussions in the streets, people reminiscing on the old days, telling us how so cheap bread was back then. Then bread went up to 99c, I remember the boycotts, the complaints people saying we can't get only 1c as change from a dollar after buying bread. I remember it going up again to $1,50. Those were the days I learnt about strikes, demonstrations and all that people do to let it known that they are not happy about the way things are. Where's this country going, people would ask. Th